Hey Woodlands,
There’s someone in the church that I haven’t talked to in three years. We used to be close, and then one thing led to another and now I actively avoid her on a Sunday morning. It’s not that I’m really angry – and I don’t think she’s angry with me – but we just don’t have a friendship any more and it’s awkward… and I guess I feel guilty about that. What should I do?
– Avoiding You On Sunday
Sunday mornings will feel a bit like walking through a minefield when there’s tension with someone who also attends Woodlands. You said you actively avoid her – that makes me think you’re guarded and defensive in walking through the foyers or in finding your spot during worship. It’s hard to fully engage in worship when your mind is preoccupied with past disagreements.
I’ve always been struck by Jesus’ words in Matthew 5, where he challenges his disciples that if they realize anyone has anything against them while on their way to the temple to sacrifice – they need to address that first, before the worship. It’s not just about whether you have something against someone; Jesus is saying that if anyone has something against you, it can hinder your worship. It’s a personal call to action to address conflict and foster deeper relationships.
One of the lines that has always stood out to me is from the hymn They’ll Know We Are Christians By Our Love. There’s a challenge in the second verse that, “we’ll guard each man’s dignity and save each man’s pride.” Part of being a loving brother and sister in Christ is guarding the dignity and pride of each other, and in that, showing love and bringing about unity.
Ultimately, you need to break the ice. You probably have her number still – just shoot her a text, acknowledge it’s been a long while, but share that you don’t want it to be awkward. If needed, get some coffee, apologize for the avoidance, bury whatever hatchet is needed, and move forward. You don’t need to be best friends moving forward – but you do need to get over the awkwardness and avoidance.
– Dave Bondeson, Teaching and Family Pastor